Pleasant Grove Senior Perspective 2023
People assume that I must have a picture-perfect, happy life. I am going to Harvard, and I am the valedictorian of my class.
I would disagree. The saying goes, "Don't judge a book by its cover," and it's true. Many of my successes have come with equal losses, including judgment from some classmates. Looking back at my long list of accomplishments on my senior ad or all of my acceptance letters, I realize how much I struggled to be where I am today. I can finally say, "I'm proud of myself. I did it."
I want to put it in the context of the environment I grew up in and the struggles I faced that led me to the person I am today, starting from my freshman year of high school (after all, this is a senior perspective).
Freshman year was a complete identity crisis for me. When I say I HATED freshman year, I still say it with my whole heart and chest.
I moved from a small middle school where I knew everyone; everyone knew me. I thought the friends I made in middle school would stay with me as we navigated this new chaotic world of high school together.
Yeah, no.
I spent the first two weeks of school stressing over my schedule–not enough people in the class I wanted to take, accidentally signing up for a class that was not meant for me, and not finding a class that interested me while trying to fill my schedule without messing up the other classes. I never felt that anyone understood my situation, and I experienced lots of loneliness throughout freshman year.
My Vietnamese parents, especially my dad, didn't allow me to participate in many extracurricular activities because they believed only grades mattered for college.
What made freshman year even worse was when I realized how introverted I was. I saw my friends from middle school making friends and already knowing people. I realized how secluded I was from everyone. What could I pick apart from people that seemed to make them popular and well-liked and change that about myself?
I never ate in the cafeteria (and I never did throughout high school) because the swarm of people and not seeing anyone I knew gave me a panic attack, so I ate lunch in the girl's tennis room with two other girls I knew from middle school. However, there were days when they decided to go somewhere else without telling me, so I was a lonely sitting duck eating my food–I felt pathetic. And while I could still talk to some middle school friends and make new friends in class, I never fully "made friends."
When COVID came during my second semester of freshman year, I couldn't tell you how ecstatic I was. I didn't have to talk to people or worry about what act I needed to put up anymore. When given a choice between online and in-person school, you know what I chose.
Honestly, if you asked me what happened my sophomore year, the only memories are self-studying for the AP World History test to get a 5, how brutal Chemistry was, and when I finally found that I was ranked first in my grade.
That's it.
But I am proud of how much my sophomore year classes helped me with rank and, eventually, college applications. When I picked my classes and looked at the list, I asked myself, "What if I did all Honors classes? Could I do it?"
I did.
I woke up at 8:00 AM for class, played on my phone during breaks while everyone was at school, studied for tests and quizzes, etc. I was still introverted during my sophomore year, so I never turned on my microphone during Google Meets except for a Spanish-speaking assignment.
And sophomore year ended just like that with junior year coming.
They say junior year is your hardest year, and I 80% agree with that (the other 20% is senior year because of college applications–it was brutal).
I had to get my SAT done. I had to keep my rank. I'm back at in-person school now.
I think junior year was a better year for me. In a way, I could be the person I wanted to be.
Except I wasn't. I was still introverted. It seemed that I hadn't learned my lesson. I reconnected with some friends, had lunch with them, and even met some people in the grade above me who I still talk to this day.
I thought it was better. I really thought, "My life is getting better." Until the second semester of my junior year, life decided to say "no."
Not even a few days ago, I was just watching the new Batman movie with my dad in the theaters.
It was 1 in the morning.
My dad passed away.
I missed a whole week of school while trying to make sense of it all. I emailed teachers that I wouldn't be there for the week and even made a Google Spreadsheet of the assignments I needed to do and the tests and quizzes I had to make up before I returned.
But somehow, I survived the storm. Somehow. Now I had one more year left after a dreadful summer where my mom and I were all alone.
My mom doesn't speak English and works all day. I was 17 then, and I couldn't do anything as a minor. I learned things the hard way on my own, and no one will understand how difficult it is to recover from falling for three car warranty scams and trying to get the refunds for them by yourself, especially when you're a minor and clueless about how the real world works.
And not many people will understand having to come home from school to an empty house, expecting a hello but eventually not getting one. You have to set your stuff down and get what you need to get down, which for me, was asking, "What phone call do I need to make next? What do I need to finish for school? What errands do I need to do around the house?"
And if you thought those three years were the most frustrating and difficult parts, there's a lot more to unpack during my senior year.
Firstly, I finally learned my lesson. I finally put myself out there. I joined the newspaper and made many new friends, and became a lot more involved in clubs and school through my internship at Pleasant Grove's Central Services building. I learned much more about how a school runs and have made relationships for a lifetime.
Secondly, applying to college is the most brutal thing ever, especially as a first-generation student.
My parents immigrated from Vietnam and worked hard to give me a life they couldn't have. They worked hard for that and have struggled immensely. They have every right to brag about my acceptance and achievements, so I work hard for them. I applied to some top schools, hoping to get into one–just for them.
I would be lying if I said a prestigious school was not a dream school, but I wasn't going to push myself to the breaking point to get into one of them. I worked with my story and what I had.
My first interview with Princeton went rough. I couldn't remember anything I had done in school because I was so nervous, but I took it as an opportunity to learn from and prepare for my next ones, and it paid off.
I researched college applications to top schools so much that I couldn't stop going on Reddit and thinking about college applications because the whole process was so ingrained in my mind (I could make a TED-ED Talk about college applications).
Even with my Harvard acceptance and other accomplishments, I realized that when you earn some big accomplishment, people you normally didn't talk to before start talking to you again.
I still wonder, "What if I didn't get into Harvard? What if I wasn't valedictorian? How would people treat me then?"
For some reason, I felt that my goal in life was solely to "prove people wrong." I have to, for some reason, prove people wrong and stop underestimating me because that's what I have felt my entire life.
There have been people along the way who have made a considerable impact. Mrs. (Jennifer) Gibson, my graphic design teacher for the past two years, has been a huge role model throughout my high school career and life and has always encouraged me to step outside of my comfort zone. She has given me many opportunities to develop new connections that I thought I would have never gotten because of my reserved and quiet personality. She has pushed me to be more involved within Pleasant Grove, the community, and with other students. She is the first person I go to when I need advice or help, and I have stayed there so many times throughout the past year to the point where her office became a second home. I am the student I am today because of her knowledge and experience on so many topics. I am always inspired by how she handles the seemingly endless tasks and responsibilities. I am honored to have had her as my teacher and best friend!
So now that you know my story, I hope you see why not immediately judge those with many accomplishments. Some have sacrificed so much to get where they are to the point where they are just about to rediscover their entire identity because they were consumed in writing essays of their past selves for colleges.
Even from freshman year to now, with all my accomplishments, I still struggle with finding my identity and who I am. I don't expect the journey to stop anytime soon.
