Good Evening TXK

photo by Matt Cornelius
photo by Matt Cornelius

Just last month, I was honored to sing a song I wrote for my close friends, Abby and Joe, on their wedding day. It was a simple, beautiful day in New Boston, Texas, at Four Fifteen Estates, one of the most gorgeous, awe-inspiring wedding venues I have ever seen! While I enjoyed myself that day, and I will never forget the moment I looked down, singing above my dear friends, strumming my guitar during their first dance, something just felt off for me. As I glanced around and felt the all-consuming tangible embrace of eternal love in the air and all the mushy, gushy feelings from those who witnessed this profound moment in my friends’ lives, I could not help but feel like something was missing for me. I could not help looking at Abby and Joe as they said, “I do,” and thinking… will I ever experience that for myself?

I know, I know, I have heard it all before, from my closest friends, to homeless people, to pastors. I have gotten the infamous “maybe this is just your “season of singleness” (excuse me while I go vomit at the word season being thrown in my face AGAIN!). “Bailey, maybe you will never be in a relationship.” Haha, have you seen me?! I am irresistible! “Bailey, if you ARE single forever, consider it a gift from God. Relationships and marriages are work, not fairy tales.” I’m willing to put in all the work necessary. BRING IT ON! That is the least of my worries.

Sitting around the lunch table on Thanksgiving, seeing every cousin I have sitting next to their husband or wife, girlfriend, or boyfriend, I always wonder if NEXT year will be the year I bring someone to Thanksgiving. Will I be attending their family’s Thanksgiving instead of mine? Will they like my family? Will my family like them? Will they even live in Texarkana? Will they judge me for eating every single thing in sight? They better not!

I would be a fool if I dared to act like I am the only person in the world who struggles with these thoughts. It is part of the shared human experience to want to find someone to love. We all want to be acknowledged, held, supported, deeply known, and deeply loved. I want to wholeheartedly love someone’s personality, achievements, pitfalls, insecurities, fears, likes, dislikes, opinions, family, and dreams. Everything. I want to love someone as they are, not the dress-up doll, dream Disney cartoon character version of who I want them to be. To me, loving and being loved is one of the most profound experiences we will have in this lifetime.

Finding my person is something I rarely talk about to anyone because my world does not revolve around having a person. I have loved and have been loved throughout my life. I have a great family, a solid support system, bosses at work who look out for me and want to see me grow, and friends who care so much they will hide the bottle from me to keep me from drinking away the feelings I want so desperately to cover up instead of leaning into and feeling—that is the only way to heal after all.

I need to learn about myself as a person, what I even like or dislike, and have so much more searching inside of myself before selfishly sacrificing that precious time looking for someone else to love me. We are all plenty capable of loving ourselves. We possess all the tools. And HEY, at least there is still Thanksgiving turkey with or without a significant other by our sides. For now, I will keep my RSVP for one; I have come to really like that one, and I believe he likes me, too!


LOCAL EVENTS

November 1
Harvest Regional Food Bank’s
Taste of Texarkana
Four States Fairgrounds, 5-8 pm

November 1
Fit4Mom Stroller Strides
Spring Lake Park, Monte Field, 8:30 am

November 2
A Walk Through History
Spring Lake Park Walking Tour
Bramlett Field, 9:30 am

November 3
Rotary Clubs of Texarkana 46th Annual Public Safety Officers Appreciation Luncheon
First United Methodist Church
11:30 am-1 pm

November 3-6
The Little Mermaid
Silvermoon Children’s Theatre

November 4
A Cycle Through History Downtown Bike Tour
Museum of Regional History, 5:30 pm

November 5
Candy Cane Corral
Four States Fairground, 9 am-4 pm

November 5
Texarkana Twilight Tours
Texarkana Museums System, 7 pm

November 6
Show Me Reptile and Exotics Show
Four States Fairgrounds, 10 am-3:30 pm

November 6
Texarkana Out of the Darkness Walk
Bobby Ferguson Park

November 12
Veterans Day Parade, 11 am

November 17
Book Club
Texarkana Public Library, 3 pm

November 18-20
Junior League of Texarkana Mistletoe Market
Texarkana, Arkansas Convention Center

November 18
Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer, The Musical
Perot Theatre, 7 pm

November 21
Knitting Group
Texarkana Public Library, 2-4 pm

November 24
Thanksgiving Day Turkey Trot 5K Walk/Run
Spring Lake Park, 8 am

November 26
7th Annual Gifts Galore and So Much More Holiday Expo
Texarkana, Texas Convention Center, 9 am-4 pm

November 28
Small Business Saturday


For more events visit


LIVE MUSIC

November 4
Alex & Liv,The Hideout, 9 pm

November 5
Texarkana Symphony Orchestra Masterworks II Metamorphosis Featuring Andrew Staupe, Perot Theatre, 7 pm

November 11
PHED, 1923 Banana Club

November 11
Creed Fisher, 67 Landing, 7 pm

November 12
Wes Jeans, Redbone Brewing, 8 pm

November 12
Stevie Ray & The Deacon, The Hideout, 9 pm

November 17
Gaither Vocal Band, Trinity Baptist Church, 6 pm

November 19
The LaRouxs, The Hideout, 9 pm



 

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