Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind. Always.” —Brad Meltzer
When my older sister Cassy asked me to write an article from a senior perspective, I immediately knew what I would talk about. I knew because it has consumed most of my life during my last two years of high school.
Freshman year was typical. I was, of course, very nervous and was trying to find my place like all other freshmen. The thing I remember most about that year is the shift in the relationship between my older sister and me. Lindsey and I grew much closer and spent a lot of time together. I used to be the annoying younger sister she couldn’t stand, but now that I was growing up, we were becoming much closer. I, of course, made her drive me everywhere and felt so cool that I had an older sister to tag along with.
In sophomore year, I was finally growing accustomed to high school. My birthday was not until May, and I was dying to drive. I was able to get my hardship license in December. Then, as we all know, two months later, COVID-19 came crashing down on everyone’s life. I remember sitting in English class and seeing the news all over TikTok that everything may close. When we found out school was going to be out for a few weeks, I was thrilled. I mean, who doesn’t want a little time off of school? Two weeks turned into four weeks and the next thing I knew, sophomore year was over, and we finished school online.
All summer, I wondered if we would go back to in-person school or online school. August came, and we learned we could do it either way. I went in person the first day, and I hated it: the mask-wearing, instructions for how we had to walk down the hall, and no sitting with friends at lunch. It was awful! I thought maybe I would try online for a bit and if I didn’t like it, I would go back in person.
In January 2021, I started not feeling like myself. I was fatigued, had headaches every day, I was unmotivated, depressed, and had mild joint pain. I just felt off. I mentioned this to my mom because she is a nurse, and she brushed it off thinking it was just something mild. I kept complaining as it got worse over the next month. By February, my joint pain had gotten so bad I couldn’t squeeze shampoo out of the bottle. This is when my mom really began to believe something was wrong, so she made me a doctor’s appointment.
Before my appointment, I started having a red sore spot on my foot. It got bigger and more sore as the weeks went by. I went to a general physician, dermatologist, and orthopedic doctor. The doctor ordered blood work, and they took a biopsy of my foot. I was sent to get multiple x-rays and CT scans. My foot had gotten so sore, swollen, and bright red that I could not walk in the mornings, and I had to wear UGG slippers; I walked all over Texarkana, Miami, and Fayetteville in these slippers. It was truly tragic and embarrassing, but my feet hurt so badly I didn’t even care. Yes, I say feet because it had now spread to both.
When my biopsy and blood work came back, my bloodwork was a little abnormal, but I was negative for Rheumatoid Arthritis and Lupus. My biopsy showed I had panniculitis, which is inflammation of the subcutaneous fat that can result from multiple causes. I was put on steroids and the medicine helped it get better, but this still did not give answers to all my other problems.
I was then sent to a Pediatric Rheumatologist. The Rheumatologist questioned me for what felt like hours on all my symptoms, and she was convinced I had an autoimmune disease. She suspected Crohn’s disease but wasn’t sure. An autoimmune disease is a disease in which the body’s immune system attacks healthy cells. It was hard going to multiple doctors and getting no answers as to why I was feeling this way. She sent me on my way to get more blood work and a colonoscopy.
All I did, all day long, was look up my symptoms. I was basically trying to use Google to self-diagnose because I was annoyed that I had no answers. Three days after my 17th birthday, I had a colonoscopy. I remember waking up after the surgery hearing the doctor tell my parents I had Crohn’s disease.
Crohn’s disease is an inflammatory bowel disease that causes chronic inflammation of the gastrointestinal tract. When I learned this, it honestly did not bother me too badly. I had suspected it and was prepared. It took a little bit for it to set in with me that this disease will be forever. I was fine with knowing I have this, and I know I will live a mostly normal life. It will just be a little different from others. But knowing I will have it forever got me down for a while, and sometimes, it still does. I was told I would have to be on some type of medicine for the rest of my life and that usually, the younger you get diagnosed with this disease, the more severe. I started on HUMIRA that summer, which is a biologic that reduces inflammation. I felt a little down for a few months after that and just tried to get adjusted to knowing this new way of life.
By the time my senior year started, I was feeling better. I was excited to be a senior and was ready to go back to school. I got established with a gastrointestinal doctor in Dallas and things were going well. In October, I had more bloodwork done because with an autoimmune disease, they like to check how well the medicine is working and make sure everything is alright. My blood tests were abnormal and showed signs of a severe infection, so I was sent to get a CT scan. It revealed I had acute appendicitis and was to be sent to the emergency room as soon as possible. My appendicitis was severe, but I did not even know it because I hardly had any pain. Most of the time appendicitis is very painful, but I was only having mild pain. The biologic I was on basically blocks all symptoms of illness, so I didn’t know. I had surgery to get my appendix removed and was told it was most likely a complication from my Crohn’s disease. I was starting to realize this disease will probably be the cause of many more hospital visits in the future. Though I was getting accustomed to this disease, knowing many complications can come with it, hit me hard. After recovering, I was put on a bigger dose of medicine and got iron infusions, which made me feel much better.
During this same time period, my grandma was very sick with cancer, so we were trying to visit her every day before she passed. I also got COVID, and I was diagnosed with carpal tunnel syndrome, which can also be a complication of Crohn’s disease. I was told I may have to have surgery to fix that in the future.
Dealing with all these things really changed my perspective and made me realize I wanted to change myself and work to become the best version of myself. I realized I wanted to live my best life and to live it to the fullest. I just want to be as kind to others as I can be. I believe these years of late teens and early twenties are the years you find yourself, and it is so important to focus on you. As long as you feel you are a good and decent person, that is all that matters, so since I don’t have any real responsibilities right now, I want to spend these years focusing on that.
It is odd, but a bad circumstance has turned out to be the thing that has taught me a major life lesson, and I am now the happiest I have ever been. Even though I have a chronic disease, I can still live an adequate life and become a good person. As cliche as it sounds, being kind to everyone, has stood out as a major life lesson to me this past year. You truly never know what goes on within the walls of another’s home or in their mind. Just like with my autoimmune disease, there are no signs of illness on the outside, but the inside would show a different story. Someone can look one way on the outside but be a completely different person on the inside. Everyone is fighting their own battles.
Through this time in my life, I have learned that even if people are not kind to you, you will still feel good about yourself if you always remain kind to them. Most of the time, when people treat you a certain way, it is because of their own internal struggle. This disease can be exhausting and debilitating at times, but it has also allowed me to find more of myself and learn to live through adversity and hardship.
