My Drift
Y’all Ready for This?
In 1996, Warner Brothers released Space Jam, a sports comedy starring Michael Jordan and Bugs Bunny. I never saw it, but the theme song by the Quad City DJs became something of a hit, peaking at number 37 on the Billboard Hot 100. You’d know it if I hummed a few bars; it’s a quirky techno-pop-sounding number featuring the lyrics, “Y’all ready for this?”
Over the almost thirty years it’s been around, “Space Jam” has become the overture to my internal last-quarter soundtrack. It sums up my mindset perfectly, posing the question of whether I’m ready and immediately moving into music that can only be described as manic. It makes me think of the Charlie Brown Christmas kids dancing during Christmas pageant practice, only in fast forward. Am I ready for the approaching holidays? It doesn’t matter because “Space Jam” is the holidays’ way of saying, “Ready or not, here we come!”
Indeed, the holidays are coming. From Halloween, they will increase in technical difficulty level through Christmas, and they’re advancing with… what? Even though “a vengeance” seems like too strident a term, somehow it feels right.
I went to a local department store this morning to pick up some eyeshadow, base, and maybe a cute fall top, feeling proud of myself for keeping up with my errands in a timely fashion. When I walked in, I was greeted by Christmas trees. There were lots of them, and they seemed to say, “You’d best get with it; you’re running behind.”
I understand retailers need to capitalize on Christmas. I do. The Christmas season is when they finally turn a profit, and I appreciate their need to get an early start. I just wish I didn’t feel so scandalously disorganized by their calendar. Last year the cover of a catalog I got in the mail on December 1 touted “Last Minute Gift Ideas” in red and green type. The very idea December 1 is the “last minute” just makes me want to throw in the towel.
I have to get Thanksgiving out of the way before I can even think about Christmas. Even if I’ve done my homework and put out some pumpkins, a fall wreath, and some Pottery Barn Harvest Spice candles in September, there are still many style points to accumulate. Centerpieces, tablecloths, and place settings all need to be addressed, and the whole thing is complicated by the fact that you never know who’s coming until the last minute. In addition, we’ve never quite perfected the sweet potatoes in my family, so new recipes must be discovered and put through a dry run. Because there will be houseguests, throw linens into the mix (not to be confused with throwing in the towel).
But Thanksgiving is nothing—and I do mean nothing—compared to the circus we call Christmas. Advent, generally considered the Christmas season, is an important time for Christians. During Advent we await the celebration on Christmas Day of the birth of our Savior. I truly cherish Christmas, and all it means.
The secular aspect of Christmas, however, is something very different and not something of which I’m fond. Christmas, in the secular sense, means a lengthy to-do list and a whole lot of work. Unless, of course, you’re six years old. Then it’s just fun.
When I look back over the fifty or so Christmases I’ve celebrated as an adult, I notice a discernable arc. I started out feeling my way, making do with the limited time and financial resources available to me. It was fun doing grown-up things like sending Christmas cards and decorating a tree just the way I wanted it without my siblings getting in the way.
It seems as if every year, I amped things up a notch, one year delivering 40 jars of homemade sugar-and-spice pecans to neighbors and friends and putting 1,400 lights on the tree. Once you’ve set that bar, it’s hard to back up, and I didn’t shift into reverse for many years. I wore myself out sending hundreds of cards and buying and wrapping gifts for every extended family member I could think of. The Christmas parties alone were numerous enough to require a time management strategy; I developed the habit of keeping hostess gifts wrapped and ready on a closet shelf.
The actual decoration of the now-fake and pre-lit Christmas tree was a task I shared with no one because no one could measure up to my requirements for perfection. In addition, the pressure was on to get it done at least by the Sunday after Thanksgiving, and preferably earlier. My philosophy is if you’re going to spend an entire day decorating your tree, you want it to be up for a good long while.
I think my arc started trending downward the year I woke up the day after decorating the tree, unable to walk because of the pain in my hip. As it happens, standing for long periods of time is hard on backs with bulging discs. Ever since then, I’ve abandoned perfection and enlisted my husband’s assistance. He thoughtfully gets on the ladder so I don’t have to, which is a secret we keep from his physician, who has rules about people over 50 getting more than three feet off the ground.
Last year, after we had attached about a fourth of our vast ornament collection to the tree, my husband stood back and squinted at it. “I think it looks pretty good,” he pronounced. 1990 me would have been scandalized. 2023 me nodded in agreement and started putting the remaining ornaments back into the closet.
I’ve neglected to mention shopping thus far, Christmas shopping being the lowest item on my list of favorite chores. I remember the Christmas my son was in morning kindergarten, which let out at 11:15. The stores opened at 10:00. Allowing 15 minutes of travel time, I had an hour a day to accomplish my Christmas shopping. It took me two weeks. Cash has recently become my Christmas gift of choice, and if you’re not one of my grandchildren, that’s what you’re going to get. Unless you’re one of the ones who is getting nothing. Extended family has been out of luck for the last few years. Keeping a list of all the great nieces and nephews and their ages got to be too complicated.
Speaking of lists, let’s talk about the sheer number of lists we have to make to survive November and December. Thank goodness for computers; it’s easier to update last year’s lists when you can cut and paste without literally cutting and pasting. Seriously, though. Gift lists, card lists, grocery lists, guest lists … the list of lists makes Santa look like a light-weight.
Am I ready? It doesn’t matter. The holiday train is barreling toward the station, and if I don’t get ready and get out of the way, it’s going to lay me totally flat. It’s time to say a little prayer for perspective. And patience. And persistence.
Are you ready? See the above paragraph. And cue the music.
