Dear Mrs. (Slightly) Sophisticated
Over the years, I’ve been given a lot of useless items: a clunky coffee mug, a peace-sign cookie cutter and an expensive photography book still in the plastic. Can I re-gift?
Dear Stuck with Stuff,
While I love a thinly veiled insult as much as the next person, re-gifting to a co-worker or relative is never a good idea. Lucky for you, there are many other options on how you can unload the items you find useless.
Start by asking questions. Is your church having a rummage sale soon? Does the teacher down the street have a use for that cookie cutter? Or maybe the art teacher? Perhaps the photography teacher would love the book, or they might know a student who could unlock a world of wonder within its pages.
Nonprofits exist simply by taking your useless items. Stores run by those nonprofits are a tremendous resource to people who may be just starting out or those who are starting their lives over from scratch.
Finally, foster children desperately want a small item that is their own. Often, they are taken out of their homes with nothing. Most things must be shared with others when they reach their new home. Age-appropriate items that can be used by only them are beloved.
How do I politely tell my Mother-in-Law not to smoke around my children?
Dear HB(oss)IC,
Is her name on their birth certificates? They are your children and you set the rules. Of course, be as polite as possible in the beginning. It is best if you AND HER SON both sit down to discuss it. Sandwich your rules with compliments. Explain that you so appreciate and admire the love she shows to your children. Then mention that the greatest gift she can give to them is good health. State that smoking around them is a no go. It is even better if that rule comes from HER SON. Finally, tell her how important it is to have her in your children’s lives.
Do I have to invite both twins?
Dear Party Favor Saver,
Depends on the age. For younger children, the answer is yes. Once children grow older, they sometimes want their own independence. Sometimes they have different friend groups. Obviously, if the twins are a boy and a girl, do not invite both to the sleepover. That just spells trouble. When in doubt, ask the parents.
I don’t drink, and I’m tired of paying for my friends’ cocktails. When we split the check equally, I’m left having to chip in more than my share. I don’t want to offend anyone-or appear cheap-but I don’t want to pay for their drinks. How do I do that?
Dear Sober Sister,
Who on earth are your friends? I cannot believe that this is even a question that needs to be asked. Are you going out to dinner with Guns and Roses on a regular basis? Even they might know better than to charge someone for alcohol they did not drink.
I am going to give them the benefit of the doubt and assume that they are so deep in the sauce by the time the check arrives that they forget their manners. If you insist on keeping these people as dinner partners, here are a few tips.
Acknowledge the issue when the dinner invitation is extended. Remind them you do not drink alcohol when drink orders are made. Remind them when the check arrives that you did not partake. Remind them that Jesus is not at the table because he did not turn your water into wine.
Allow me to be impolite and let you know that these are not good friends. I have not met them so I should not judge. But get new friends.
Is it ok to comment on a recent plastic surgery?
Dear Treading Lightly,
There is never anything holding you back from telling someone they look wonderful. Then just leave it at that. It is their choice to confide in you or not. If you want to know about their experience with a certain plastic surgeon, ask a mutual friend to test the waters for you.
On the other hand, never tell anyone their plastic surgery looks bad. Save that for your closest friends.
Is it still acceptable to address a group as “ladies and gentlemen”? It seems like it might be frowned upon.
Dear Confused but Compassionate,
Yes, it is acceptable. But not if you are in a prison.
When in doubt, simply say “Hello everyone”. If you are feeling spry, you can always channel your inner prince and address them as “dearly beloved.”
Have a question for Mrs. (Slightly) Sophisticated? Email it to manners@txkmag.com.
