A Sarine Thought… or Two
How Sweet ’N Low It Is!
To be honest, on a romantic desire scale of fairy-tale-prince-on-a-white-horse being the most romantic and hey-you-wanna-do-this-or-not being the least romantic, I fall somewhere around the thoughtful-words-and-practical-gifts-on-a-regular-basis part of the spectrum. I’m a little cat-like when it comes to romance. When I want it, I want it, but when I’m done, that is enough, and I need to go back to my own non-gooey-sentiment corner.
However, I see the intrinsic value of romance in dating and marriage relationships. It opens the door for emotional love to be felt so that actual love can be given. And let’s be real, the giving of the sacrificial day-in-day-out love that is required to make a dating or marriage relationship worth having is hard work. So, a little WD-Romance on the ole love hinges is necessary to keep the squeak of resentment out of the relationship.
I still remember how I felt during mine and Ross’ courtship. There were random, thoughtful gifts out of the blue, sweet notes, long AOL Instant Messenger conversations when our calling card minutes ran out and forced us off the landlines in our dorm rooms (we were a 2000s romance for sure, #napsterromanticsongsmix01), lots of compliments on smell and appearance and heart-melting looks into each other’s eyes that lasted for at least 10.27 seconds. All these things made me feel like I was walking on air. I loved it! Those things eased the pain of dating long distance for almost two years. One time, Ross even mailed me a card with little Sweet ’N Low packets taped to the inside and a note saying how thoughts of me were so sweet. He scored major brownie points with this diabetic for that little nugget! I died! But the overarching achievement of all his efforts was that he made me feel thought of, cared about and desired.
I feel I can speak expertly from the female point of view on the value of these things since I have been a female for over forty years. A woman who feels like she is seen for who she is and is desired just as she is, carries herself with a confidence and dignity that is both intoxicating and illuminating. Now, it’s not that she is deriving her value from these romantic gestures, or the lack there-of, but she is reminded of exactly how valuable she is causing her actions and deeds to reflect that God-given value.
Today, especially in the dating/relationship world, I believe the artistry of romantically pursuant behavior from a male to a female has not only virtually disappeared but has also been demonized. Now, do not misunderstand me. I’m not talking about sexually pursuant behavior. I’m talking about a guy calling a girl and asking her to go out to dinner or to a movie or a special event. I’m talking about a boy summing up all his courage and walking up to a specific girl he likes and asking her to a school dance face to face. I’m talking about old school romance!
Now that I’m the parent of a teenage son, I see how this lack of chivalry phenomenon has negatively affected both young men and young women. There has been a shift from the male to female in the role of pursuer. The girls do the calling. The girls do the date planning. The girls have taken the lead and the guys have become followers. Now, being a strong and confident female who knows what she wants and how to ask for it, is not wrong. But just because a girl is capable of calling a boy and asking him on a date, doesn’t mean that she should. Boys don’t care about the fact that you are thinking of them. They just don’t. It rarely, if ever, crosses their minds. Boy moms will attest to this. When we ask our sons what they are thinking about at any given moment of free time in their day, there is an 82.43% chance the answer will be “nothing” with the other 17.57% being thoughts of when they will eat, what they will eat, what they have eaten already and what activity they can do next to prevent boredom. I’m sure this ratio changes as young men mature and is a vast generalization of the teen male species, but my experience leads me to believe this to be pretty accurate.
So, what does that mean for a young lady who thinks about many things all at once? Those thoughts inevitably include ones about whether a certain boy is thinking about her in the same way she is thinking of him. She needs to wait and let him pursue her because she will appreciate it and reap the benefits of the feelings it evokes in her. When she receives that invitation to go on a date or that random call out of the blue, she will light up knowing she is occupying his thoughts, even when they aren’t in the same room. While that speaks volumes to a girl’s heart, it is barely a blip on a boy’s. In turn, he needs to be the one who initiates the romance because leadership is where he gets his boost. A guy that can walk up to a girl, string two or three intelligible sentences together, and come away unscathed feels like he has conquered the world. Now let it be known loud and clear: TEXTING DOES NOT COUNT TOWARD THIS TYPE OF COMMUNICATION! For the full benefit, the words need to be spoken, or hand-written and heard.
Parents, let’s bring back that old-fashioned style of romance to our relationships so that our kiddos will see the behavior modeled and follow suit. Husbands, ask your wife on a date. Leave her a random note of thanks or encouragement. Give her a gift for no reason. Wives, when you receive these little romantic expressions, talk to your kids about how good it makes you feel when your husband does those things for you. Besides, if the wife talks to the children about anything, everyone knows they will spill the beans to their father because children are incapable of keeping information given by their parents to themselves. Thus, the romance cycle will continue not only in your home, but in your children’s homes when they are grown. And when romance is sprinkled into a relationship, whether from a bucket or a thimble, depending on the preference of the recipient, love will be strengthened not only now, but generationally.
